Dating in 2025.

Left. Left. Left. Left. Right. Left.

While you may think I'm reciting the lyrics of the hit hip-hop song released by Drama in 2000. I'm actually giving you the play by play on my dating life.

Despite being a young person that puts herself in a copious amount of settings to meet age appropriate and like-minded partners with similar interests (run clubs, co-ed sport leagues, run clubs, church) I find that it seems apps like Hinge and Tinder are a primary source of where I interact with potential partners.

I tend to to go back and forth on how I feel towards the apps. While I don't think it's a bad way to meet a person, I always preferred the idea of meeting someone in person. Granted that idea was also mainly accumulated through cut to scenes from movies where a guy sees a girl across the room and has the "she's the one" moment.

That being said I did meet my last partner on an app and we had a very healthy relationship and no qualms to be said about it.

While I still find the concept of love at first sight endearing, I'm not too keen to hold myself to that expectation. I can't tell a mans value and whether or not he's an absolute fuckwad by the way he smiles at me across the bar. Although when I seem to have 2+ tequila sodas I begin to think I have the power vested in me to all of a sudden read the subliminal morality of any man I encounter.

Or maybe moreso I just seem to throw the consideration of morality out the door altogether.

See the thing is I am past my years of looking for a good fuck.

Don't get me wrong I'm not going to pretend I'm the virgin mary over here and don't have a backup vibrator in case I forget to charge the first line of defense.

I love sex and I won't say otherwise.

The thing is I'm not looking for someone who can give me an orgasm, I mastered that myself at the ripe age of 23. What I'm looking for in a partner is the man who will one day be the father of my children. A man who when I go on a run at night either insists to come with me or watches my location to ensure my safety. The kind've man who isn't content with me being a good version of myself and pushes me to be the absolute best version of myself.

That's what I want for the rest of my life.

There is nothing sexier than a man of intention.

One thing about me: I've never been one to keep my mouth shut.

If you have met me literally ever it probably didn't take you long to come to that conclusion. So I'm not going to do the whole 'play it cool' thing in dating, if I want to text someone I will.

Granted, that doesn't mean I don't find it attractive for a man to take initiative. Personally, I prefer it. In my personal life and work there are so many situations that require me to take charge that genuinely when it comes to my love life I do prefer for a man to make mosrt of the decisions.

That doesn't mean I won't speak my mind or say when I disagree with something. But as the woman I am, I appreciate a man who leads. Not because I cannot or am incapable, but because I don't want to.

I prefer to live in my feminine.

There was a time where I was more open in dating, but at this phase of my life I'd like to think I've become more... selective. There are things that are non-negotiables.

These for me are not qualities that make someone a bad person, but just probably not the right person for me.

I think getting to that point and realizing there are people in this world that will serve you better as a partner than others. I also genuinely believe this is so much more than having 'sparks' with another person. Reliability, stability and communication are what is going to keep a relationship going in the long run.

So I don't do the whole hot n' cold thing in dating anymore. I don't accept communication only when it's convenient for one person. Because life was not made for us to glide through and be easy.

It was made to throw us around a bit. So you need a partner that can pick you up.

A large part of me likes that this life isn't one of ease.

Some might say cancer for instance is a terrible thing (I am in fact some), but that's not to say I would change anything about my story. I believe in grit and perserverance to make us strong and teach us lessons in this life.

Life has dealt some shitty cards to us all. Now that I have had to deal with chemotherapy becoming incontinent for a year at the age of 23. I refuse to deal with the bullsh!t of a 28 year-old investment banker that 'isn't ready to commit'.

I am willing to put the time and work into someone who feels the same - but we only have a finite amount of time on this earth and I am not willing to waste it.

As always thanks for reading. Love + appreciation to you all.

Xoxo Mild Girl

Untitled Work

There are days where I feel this incestious joy for life.

The kind you see in the cut to scenes of movies.. dancing with a loved one in the kitchen.

Obviously not a kitchen but you’d be surprised how limited the ‘dancing in kitchen’ GIF genre is

For me that loved one is my dog(s).

Then there are days where I long for sleep to take me and propel me farther away from this day I’m in.

I want so badly to not be someone who lets this life pass me by.

Just when I seem to escape for just long enough..

I get drug back in by the reality of bills, self-fulfillment (or lack thereof) and most overwhelmingly time.

We have no time in this earth, truly.

But at the same time, we have an infinite amount.

You can do anything you want at any given day.

I won’t go as extreme as to say you could just book a one way flight to Paris, although it is true, but you could choose to do something out of character.. something that brings you joy.

if you won’t listen to me listen to this random lady

Go to a trampoline park.

Pack a picnic and go to the park.

Go skydiving.

Ask out a stranger.

Get ordained online.

I don’t give a fuck what it is.

But for the love of God don’t get stuck.

I don’t know if I’ve actually fallen victim to the spell society and the workface places on people but I feel a loyalty to my work because I enjoy it, truly.

I know the feeling of cog in a machine.

I’ve been many a cog.

Retail, Food Service, Logistics, Entertainer, Caretaker (ironic because I struggle to maintain myself in this life).

I find purpose in whatever work I’m doing as I love the feeling of being an active member of society.. and having a paycheck deposited into my account every other Friday.

Maybe that’s just what “the man” or “big brother” wants me to think.. although I’m currently of the belief this is a feeling I’ve conjured up all on my own.

I don’t know if that would be better or worse ..

I wear this cloak of “knowing” whenever I’m around others. So dead set that I know my purpose in life.

Yet seemingly stuck at the same time. I’m I actually not ready to take the next step in my future or am I scared. If so of what..?

Failure?

Rejection?

..Actually Suceeding?

I fear being forgotten.

But at the same time shy away when people truly look at me.

Whether that’s an issue of self worth or the introvert within isn’t relevant to me right now.

What do I want in life?

Joy.

Exuding joy.

To be the person so immaculately happy that you don’t believe there’s anyway they are truly truly that happy.

Is this realistic?

Maybe not.

But since when has chasing realistic goals made anyone truly happy?

“Oh yay Tom you made partner! Now you and your wife can afford the cruise that won’t save your marriage”

Because money can’t buy happiness.

I write that but at the same time I’m not 100% sure I agree.

I think if I had more money I would be happier. I think I’d be less stressed about my life and my neck would probably hurt less because I could afford a flight that doesn’t have a 13 hour overnight layover.

But at the same time, I choose to stress over things, something I love to remind my mother.

We can’t choose what happens to us in this life, but we can choose what we do about it.

In this life I choose to seek happiness.

Whether I always find it is less the point and more of a guiding light.

Happiness in my Northern Star.

Perhaps I’ll discover some other constellations along the way.

I was feeling rather…

Nostalgic? Sentimental? Inspired?

Honestly I’m not sure. But I haven’t been here in a while so here’s a peak as to what was going on in my head earlier.

I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read these as always.

Xoxo Mild Girl

Tripping without Falling

The following *text follows a systemic series of thoughts I found myself quite literally tripping over on one of my walks this week.

So yes this is about the kind’ve tripping that involves twisting an ankle, and not Psilocybin-based, although that does sound like a concept of a blog for another time.

*I use the term text loosely to create a mentality that something I write may actually hold some weight with someone and not purely be an outlet for my ADHD and where my brain goes when I find some tangent

Failure shows itself in many shapes and sizes.

I just finished my nightly walk with my dogs and to no surprise managed to trip more times than I’d prefer to admit.

Despite my chronic clutzipathy (not a word but i like the sound of it), I managed to not completely fall to the Earth (regardless of gravity rearing its ugly head and whispering all of Sir Isaac Newton’s dirty little philosophical mutterings into my colloquial ear).

It was 12:17am in the morning when I tripped for the second time on our walk.

I choose to blame my oversized pajama bottoms that tend to drag no matter how many times I roll them

clutzipathy  kluh·tz·i·​pathy noun kl-uh-tz-pə-thē : an overall awareness of your inept ability to be an absolute clutz in any and all situations.

Now what did I do in the immediate seconds proceeding my trip?

I laughed at myself and kept moving on as if nothing happened, although I did spook my dogs.

It’s past midnight and fucking cold, what else would any sane person do?

(this is not me accusing myself of sanity, I feel I have been long gone from that realm since the mid 2000’s)

But as I was walking after that trip, my thoughts also began to *stumble.

*See my clever play on words there? And even if you didn’t; my inability to be humble and pretend I don’t think I’m utterly hilarious requires me to make you either go back and look at it now or at least waste some more of your time telling you about it.

Anywho-

As I caught myself and kept walking, in the midst of my post-trip somewhat self-depricating chuckle I muttered something along the lines of, “nice job Lauren”. But here’s the thing, despite my natural sarcastic homeostasis my dialogue consistently maintains, I meant it. I mean do you know how inconvenient it would have been for me to fully fall on that sidewalk? It took everything in me to even get myself to go on that walk in the first place, I HATE to be cold. 

There's a reason I went form Ohio to Arizona.

What I liked and stood out to me about where my mind went in that moment was that rather than being upset for tripping in the first place, I was more so glad that I managed to prevent that trip from turning into a fall.

Maybe this is just me trying to be that irrevocable ‘glass half full’ person I oh so strive to be, but more so I think it’s a moment of food for thought (if you’re hungry).

If I learned anything in college, aside how to pour a beer with minimal foam and how to function somewhat properly on two hours sleep, it was to seek failure.

This was the common theme throughout the entirety of my time studying entrepreneurship in college. I think a component that can transversely be added onto this is how we overall choose to view failure. Some may choose to view a stumble as a form of failure, but when you really break down what it means to stumble, you may start to see it in a different light.

But maybe I’m just trying to gaslight you into thinking I’m not clumsy at all and actually more of a part-time philosopher.

What happened was when I started to fail in one way (falling) I pivoted by catching myself and making it a stumble. We do this a lot of different ways in life, whether it’s pumping the breaks on a romantic relationship or turning down the fireball shot and opting for a beer in hopes of saving your future self a headache (figuratively and literally).

There’s a difference between seeking failure when the result of the success you’re looking for is unknown. I.E maybe going on a date with someone who isn’t normally ‘your type’ or you don’t seem to have a lot in common, but there is still a chance that you find some sort of success in the endeavor - or at least you reaffirm that men who work in finance still are full of $hit.

I’m not going to try and spin this anyway that had I fully “sought failure” on the walk with my dogs and ate shit on the concrete would have opened up any kind’ve door for me, aside from potentially that of an urgent care.

But I will say I genuinely believe there are thousands of much less literal stumbles and falls in life that will open doors you never even realized. The world of opportunity is a speakeasy; we just have to find out how to get there and get inside.

Back to the shapes and sizes failure presents itself in our lives:

The shape I personally encounter the most seems to revolve around my love life.

Even just writing that out seems facetious seeing as it has seemed to inhabit everything but the love part. 

Since I’m sure none of you live in a cave (seeing as you’ve clicked an electronic link to even make it here to my blog) I’ll take it you know the term ‘falling in love’.

Now I would like to preface that I am someone who has never been in love, so who’s to say I can actually give any insight here, but I am already up here on my soap box, so might as well give it a whirl.

I don’t like the phrase falling in love because it aides in this mentality that love is something we don’t mean for that just happens to us. Now that’s not to say you can’t unintentionally meet a person or be instantly attracted to someone. BUT the actual process of love (in my view) should be intentional.

It should not be this instantaneous thing because you do not know who a person is to there very soul in an instant. You cannot gather over one glance that this man will not only be a good partner to you, but in time a good father to your children. Further than that (assuming it’s in God’s plan for me) I don’t want my kids to have a good dad - I want an amazing one for them. 

Yes one that makes them laugh and protects them; but also works in tandem with me to hold them (as well as myself and his self) accountable. Disappointment is inevitable – and I don’t say that in a scary pessimistic way; but rather in a prepared manner. Kids will say and do things they don’t mean, honestly adults will to. When I find my person I want to know they will look my child in the eye and work to instil the values I think people should be raised with.

To not laugh at people who are different than us. To respect everyone because it is not something to be earned. To stand up for those who may not have the support or ability to do so for themselves.

Nothing in that realm just ‘falls’ into your lap.

Tripping allows you the opportunity to catch yourself and change behaviors in your life to keep from falling.

Stop dragging your feet and work towards whatever it is you want to in this life.

Xoxo Mild Girl