Figuring it Out

It’s kind’ve funny.. Seven years ago I was shopping the Dormify catalog for my first ever college dorm. I was young (I’m still young), full of hope (I’m still full of hope) and inherently obsessed with the color pink (I would now saw it’s a slight admiration).

So while not much has changed, everything has also changed at the same time.

For instance, I had hair back then.. Now I have a wig-ottoman. Arguably, a win.

What I find most interesting in how I’ve changed in the last several years is less a physically thing, but more my overall life-view. Whether that’s in terms of career goals, overall human empathy or what I want in a partner.

There will never be a time in life I don’t advocate for women and their not needing of a man’s permission, approval, _fill in the blank with whatever you want_.

So when it came to my dating endeavors I feel I had this almost aggressively feminine approach to men. I thought I needed to prove to them I didn’t need them.

Here’s the thing I didn’t realize. I was just trying to prove it to myself, because there was a time in my life all I ever wanted was to be in love and have a partner. That’s not to say I don’t still want those things in my life.

But there’s a lot more to life than that to me. I want to travel the world and run all the major world marathons while raising thousands of dollars for charities that give back to cancer. I want to start my own dog rescue and save as many dogs as possible.

Years ago I wasted so many hours of my life wondering if a guy liked my / figuring out how to make myself more ‘likeable’. 

Like why the fuck am I offering to split the goddamn bill to the restaurant that you picked and the appetizer you ordered when I don’t even like calamari (sorry if that’s a hot take).

Here’s some food (since we’re on the subject of food) for thought.. Do you consider yourself accomplished?

I do. My bank account and the pile of dishes in my sink may hint otherwise. But I feel accomplished. What does that mean to me? I have people I’m so privileged to know. Some that will change the world. Ones teaching our youth, some creating music and others that just every ounce of joy to the table every single day.

I feel accomplished in my happiness.

Sure, I have my depressive episode for a week every couple months. But when I bounce back I feel nothing but the light. Sure I make half the salary of some of my friends, but I also work in a place with more joyful people that make me life than I ever have before. Which means a lot to the person who had anxiety and work made her want to throw up from the stress and pressure.

I am who I am and i refuse to be anyone else.

Doesn’t mean I’m not too loud sometimes, that I don’t snort when I laugh on occasion or still chuckle anytime 6-7 comes up unironically in an adult conversation.

I am a below average runner, mediocre basketball player, fairly decent freight broker, inconsistent texter and avid muffiner baker.

While of course I always want to be better there’s things I’m willing to let be mediocre while I work to master/approve my skills at others.

For instance blogging lol.. 

I write these because I feel like a lot of the things I feel are relatable for people and also because this is a lot cheaper than therapy.

When I was 18 years-old my dream was to be a lawyer and go to Yale Law School. Now that sounds like actual hell. Reading through documents and working 10+ hour days. Sure the pay is great, but I’ve come to realize I’m very okay to sacrifice income for my happiness.

What other job do I get a twenty-minute hacky sack break with all my coworkers.

Okay maybe some tech startup, but that’s beyond the point.

If you feel lost, just remember there is no set path in life. Just keep following the path and let it lead you to your destination : )

Someone please feel free to put that in a italic font with a landscape photo in the background to put on your wall.

I have recently gotten a lot more pressure from family to ‘meet the right guy’ and ‘save up more money’.

Well.. sorry Uncle George but I currently trying to learn how to do a handstand and just bought tickets for a week long trip to Iceland.

I’m not telling you to completely throw away any advice / guidance you get from your family or loved ones. But maybe only really listen to the part that aligns with what you want right now.

For instance, I’m not saying I’m closed off to the idea of dating. But I'm going to spend a lot more hours of the week running and training than I am scrolling through Hinge. At the same time doesn’t mean I’m not going to give a little smile to the hot guy with the full sleeve sitting six feet due north from me at the coffee shop. 

Well readers, thanks for letting me waist a little of your Friday afternoon and as always.. Stay Mild ;-)

Xoxo Mild Girl