Figuring it Out

It’s kind’ve funny.. Seven years ago I was shopping the Dormify catalog for my first ever college dorm. I was young (I’m still young), full of hope (I’m still full of hope) and inherently obsessed with the color pink (I would now saw it’s a slight admiration).

So while not much has changed, everything has also changed at the same time.

For instance, I had hair back then.. Now I have a wig-ottoman. Arguably, a win.

What I find most interesting in how I’ve changed in the last several years is less a physically thing, but more my overall life-view. Whether that’s in terms of career goals, overall human empathy or what I want in a partner.

There will never be a time in life I don’t advocate for women and their not needing of a man’s permission, approval, _fill in the blank with whatever you want_.

So when it came to my dating endeavors I feel I had this almost aggressively feminine approach to men. I thought I needed to prove to them I didn’t need them.

Here’s the thing I didn’t realize. I was just trying to prove it to myself, because there was a time in my life all I ever wanted was to be in love and have a partner. That’s not to say I don’t still want those things in my life.

But there’s a lot more to life than that to me. I want to travel the world and run all the major world marathons while raising thousands of dollars for charities that give back to cancer. I want to start my own dog rescue and save as many dogs as possible.

Years ago I wasted so many hours of my life wondering if a guy liked my / figuring out how to make myself more ‘likeable’. 

Like why the fuck am I offering to split the goddamn bill to the restaurant that you picked and the appetizer you ordered when I don’t even like calamari (sorry if that’s a hot take).

Here’s some food (since we’re on the subject of food) for thought.. Do you consider yourself accomplished?

I do. My bank account and the pile of dishes in my sink may hint otherwise. But I feel accomplished. What does that mean to me? I have people I’m so privileged to know. Some that will change the world. Ones teaching our youth, some creating music and others that just every ounce of joy to the table every single day.

I feel accomplished in my happiness.

Sure, I have my depressive episode for a week every couple months. But when I bounce back I feel nothing but the light. Sure I make half the salary of some of my friends, but I also work in a place with more joyful people that make me life than I ever have before. Which means a lot to the person who had anxiety and work made her want to throw up from the stress and pressure.

I am who I am and i refuse to be anyone else.

Doesn’t mean I’m not too loud sometimes, that I don’t snort when I laugh on occasion or still chuckle anytime 6-7 comes up unironically in an adult conversation.

I am a below average runner, mediocre basketball player, fairly decent freight broker, inconsistent texter and avid muffiner baker.

While of course I always want to be better there’s things I’m willing to let be mediocre while I work to master/approve my skills at others.

For instance blogging lol.. 

I write these because I feel like a lot of the things I feel are relatable for people and also because this is a lot cheaper than therapy.

When I was 18 years-old my dream was to be a lawyer and go to Yale Law School. Now that sounds like actual hell. Reading through documents and working 10+ hour days. Sure the pay is great, but I’ve come to realize I’m very okay to sacrifice income for my happiness.

What other job do I get a twenty-minute hacky sack break with all my coworkers.

Okay maybe some tech startup, but that’s beyond the point.

If you feel lost, just remember there is no set path in life. Just keep following the path and let it lead you to your destination : )

Someone please feel free to put that in a italic font with a landscape photo in the background to put on your wall.

I have recently gotten a lot more pressure from family to ‘meet the right guy’ and ‘save up more money’.

Well.. sorry Uncle George but I currently trying to learn how to do a handstand and just bought tickets for a week long trip to Iceland.

I’m not telling you to completely throw away any advice / guidance you get from your family or loved ones. But maybe only really listen to the part that aligns with what you want right now.

For instance, I’m not saying I’m closed off to the idea of dating. But I'm going to spend a lot more hours of the week running and training than I am scrolling through Hinge. At the same time doesn’t mean I’m not going to give a little smile to the hot guy with the full sleeve sitting six feet due north from me at the coffee shop. 

Well readers, thanks for letting me waist a little of your Friday afternoon and as always.. Stay Mild ;-)

Xoxo Mild Girl

What do you want? Really.

From high school to young adulthood there are often multiple times in our life where we are put in situations and asked on what our personal/professional/extisential goals in life are.

From life skills classes full of career aptitude tests to monthly reviews at work. We are asked to lay out what we want to accomplish in a certain future timeline.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people say they want to do something and put an actual amount of zero effort forth towards said 'goal'.

I want to travel more. Okay it's a three day weekend, buy a cheap flight or go on a day trip.

I want to meet someone. Then get out the house and put yourself out there.

I want to get in shape. Go on a walk for God's sake.

I want to learn Spanish. Download Duolingo.

I want to start running. Go run down the street, you don't have to start at a 6 mile 5k pace.

Don't start running, it's a terrible hobby that will bring you nothing but joy.

Yes, you're going to get the best results if you fully commit, but you also need to start somewhere and it's not feasible to go from zero to one hundred. That's exactly why so many people fail in their goals, because they don't make them realistic.

Heck, the New Year just happened and how many of you have already broken your resolution of not bringing * insert whatever mainstream goal * into 2026.

Yeah sure, you're going to see the most change in your physique and results if you start going to the gym 5 days a week consistently. But if you've been struggling to get to the gym at all then it's not really realistic to expect a 500% increase.

One of my favorite authors, James Clear, in his book Atomic Habits adopts the mentality of 1% better everyday. If you do that for a 100 days that essentially brings you to 100% increase in said area and it's not even 1/3 through the year.

But the facts are that any real change we want to make in our life; the desired outcome can rarely be seen overnight. Honestly, while I'm sure there are caviats, I can't think of a single, substantial one.

There aren't people who are just born 'more motivated' than you. It's deciding to have discipline and prioritize what you think you want in life. I say what you think, rather than what you do because honestly.. if you don't do it do you really want it?

Do you really want a partner if you refuse to go on any apps or attempt to intentionally go places where you can meet someone.

Just like how when you're for a job an employer isn't going to look across a crowded room and choose you, you shouldn't expect that of your love life either.

As much as I'd love a meet cute in a coffee shop where a guy asks me about my book and we fall in love discussing our shared annotations and thoughts on literature, my life is not a romcom. It's mostly just a com.

Now just because I'm writing this doesn't mean I have all my shit together and have mastered accomplishing what I want in life.

For instance, I say how much joy writing brings me and that I want to publish a book one day. How many blog posts have the two of you who actually read this seen me post lately? (Hi mom + Emily)

How many literary agents have I reached out to in the last six months? Zero.

I blaim it on being un-inspired, but am I seeking that inspiration? I hold myself accountable and know that in this specific regard I am my own hurdle. A mental hurdle I am actively working to overcome at this very moment.

It's hard though considering white girl can't jump. Which was only solidified by this week's game of pick up basketball.

One of my biggest pet peeves in life are people who just say things that they think they're supposed to or people want to hear.

Every month at work my team goes around the room with each individuals goal for the month. Every month end-over-end they say some lofty 'impressive' goal and month-over-month they don't accomplish it, or really even get close.

When we make these goals and keep not attaining them, we are telling ourselves that we are okay with failure and mediocrity.

Now I will contradict myself here right quick. It is my goal in life to seek failure. You should always be looking to level up and we can't truly challenge ourselves without failure.

If you get master everything you do on the first try, then you probably are not living up to your true potential.

Top performer at work? Always hitting your metrics? Go farther.

I was thinking about three Joe Biden GIFS in a row but held back..

There's a point where we get comfortable and life and stop growing. My goalp is to always grow. Even if it's just the tiniest little sprout, I want more. This life we get to live is to short not to.

But where failure handicaps is when you decide to live in it and accept. I love failing in new ways, I'm not looking to always fail in the same way and just accept that. I will keep working at something until I get it.

But if my overall goal is a free handstand.. first I need the goal of holding one against the wall. If I skip to the end goal I'm always going to fail.

I urge to fail in a new way today. Go to the roller rink. Book a cheap flight. Find a seat alone at the restaurant you've been want to try.

LIFE IS TOO SHORT. I'm already at the very least 25% through my life. I only get 3 more of what I've already done.

Let that sit.

Now do something about it. Something you want, not what others want for you.

With all my love,

Xoxo Mild Girl

Dealing with Grief

I came to a coffee shop to write this as I thought it’d make it less likely for me to cry.

Turns out that’s not the case and now my dirty chai is a little saltier than usual.

This morning my childhood dog was put down.

pause not for dramatic effect, but for me to do some fast blinks to dissipate the tears

For the record I’m doing my best to make zero eye contact with anyone in my vicinity and would probably be deeply embarrassed if someone were to come up to me right now so be prepared for me inputting jokes and quips to make myself laugh while I self-soothe and therapize via making it public knowledge of how I’m feeling right now.

We all deal with loss in different ways.

Some people shut down.

Some drink.

Some pretend it didn’t happen.

Some are like me and post it on the internet for whomever to see.

I do this because there was a time I held everything in. I thought crying made me weak and for lack of a more politically correct term I thought expressing feelings meant I was a pu$$y.

Expressing and having feelings is quite literally the most human thing you can do.

I don’t know about you but I have a lot of feelings.

And if you’ve met me you probably know I don’t know when to shut up about them.

Some of my biggest feelings I like to express are joy and gratitude. There may be people who think it’s not real or I can’t actually be that positive. Well, hate to break it to ya but I’m a ray of fucking sunshine.

But that doesn’t mean that I don’t have bad days. I just choose to have more good.

On any given day there’s something we can choose to be sad about.

Today for instance:

I have two foster dogs and am way over my head and trying to keep from drowning.

Everyday in the back of my head I have fear of the cancer returning.

My hair hasn’t grown back well and looks like the top of a strung out Q-Tip

Even though I run and train every single day I have not gotten 2 minutes within my mile time pre-cancer

My body a lot of the times doesn’t feel like my body

My little sister is engaged while I’m still single, with low likelihood of that changing anytime soon

My grandparents are getting older and ¾ aren’t doing that well

I pretty have zero savings

My childhood dog is now dead

These are all reasons I could use as an excuse to be down in the dumps, and sure that last ones making me tear up a bit, but I don't think you quite understand that just by you having the ability to read this we have SO much to be grateful for.

If you’re reading this:

You have your sight, there are people who never get to experience a sunrise.

You have education, can you imagine trying to get by not knowing to read?

You have technology, unless it’s a Samsung then you probably should be depressed about that.

You have internet, which likely means you can afford to pay your bills.

You have me… and once again, I’m a ray of fucking sunshine.

There will always be reasons to be sad, I urge you to find the reasons to be happy, because I guarantee there’s more.

I’m a little sad right now, but I know I’m only sad because of how much happiness Maizie brought us all in my family. 

I used that sadness to inspire me to write this, hopefully it does some good.

Also at this point I think it's important to mention that my urge to cry has subsided and turned to the urge to smile.

So thank you to giving me the opportunity to outlet my feelings in the way that works best for me. Maybe I'll have something a little more light hearted to write about next time.

Xoxo Mild Girl